Here i sit, in my one bedroom North Hollywood apartment, waiting for the movers. Hired a company called something like Pink Movers. Their ad shows buff gay guys in pink shirts. What are the odds that when they show up they will NOT be buff gay guys in pink shirts? I’ll let you know.

Moving to West Hollywood. Home of buff gay guys in pink shirts.

It’s been a crazy month since i last posted. My son graduated from Yale, and now i’ll no longer be able to throw the fact that i have a son at Yale into conversation. Bummer!

oh, they are here. Two Russian guys–Alex and Vlad–in yellow t-shirts with a huge smiley face on them! Better than pink shirts!

Gotta go.

Yours, mary

….my bio on this website is completely out of date since, as anyone who has been following along knows, i moved to los angeles last month. Well, that’s what happens when your kid moves across the country and you never did take those notes you meant to take while he explained how to update the pages of your website. In my own defense, even if i HAD taken notes, the chances of me being able to follow them is just about nil. Wait. Was that in my own defense? Well, you get the point. I suck at all things computerish.

so here is a teeny trifle of news (is that redundant: teeny trifle?). And that is that a short story of mine, “Field Trip,” which i was honored to both write and read as part of a fundraiser for Humanities Washington, will now appear in that same entity’s upcoming anthology, due out in October. This makes me very happy because not only do i get to say i have a story coming out in an anthology, but i can also sneak in the fact that it’s for a fundraiser. I am so selfless! Do you hear that hannah? Your mother! Selfless! She doesn’t even need a card for mother’s day! which is coming up! in a week and a half! No worries!

okay, as you can see, even though i don’t post a lot, when i DO post here, it’s just as dumb as ever. Nice to know there’s something you can count on in this crazy world.

yours, mary

i met scott today on the airplane. He was stuck sitting in the same row as me and my darling daughter hannah. He made it through the flight safely. and now he better be reading this, because i told him i was going to write about him. Hello Scott! You see? We weren’t lying to you. I really did write two books! And now you can head right out and buy them.

Really, though. Good luck on your move to seattle. Look out ladies of queen anne hill!

yours, mary

i just realized that i forgot to say…..i am now a member of this great group of writers called Seattle7Writers. I’m so lucky they even let me join because, well, you know, i don’t live in Seattle! Or even the northwest! As anyone keeping track knows, i recently moved to the city of angels where, believe it or not, i already managed to get an overdue fine on the first book i checked out of the library down here. 70 cents! Add that to the parking ticket i got the other day, and so far i have given this city an extra $45 and 70 cents. What a good citizen i’ve turned out to be.

So anyway, the reason i bring up the seattle seven (me, garth stein, jennie shortridge, randy sue coburn, stevie kallos, kit bakke, erica bauermeister) is because we’re doing our latest fundraiser this month at the Nile Temple in Edmonds on the 21st. Please come! It’s for lunch! It’s to raise money for literacy awareness and all of the other things we raise money for–go to the website to find out. www.seattle7writers.org I’d tell you more, but i’m one of those terrible members of groups who only shows up for the snack items. And these folks have some pretty good snack items.

There. i did my part. I told you about the lunch (for those of you not paying attention: april 21, lunch, Nile Temple, Edmonds, tickets are……..i have to check how much. I think fifty bucks). Hopefully, this makes me a member in good standing and they won’t kick me out. Don’t tell Garth Stein i moved to los angeles, by the way. He’s out of town on so many author events that i don’t think he’s noticed. So, shhhhhhh!

In other news, my new good buddy Ben Loory will have a short story in the April 12th edition of the New Yorker, so get yourself a copy and read it. Ben–stop reading this right now. Okay, so now i can tell the rest of you that Ben Loory is a fucking genius and his story is brilliant and when his book of short stories comes out, you can buy a copy first and be on the cutting edge of knowing who the next cool and brilliant author is. Because it’s him. Ben Loory. Okay, Ben, you can come back now.

i think that’s it for now. Got to go pay my library fine.

yours, mary

….since i last wrote. Did any of you notice? Just say you did. Say you missed me. I’m a bit low in the self-esteem department.

also, i moved. To los angeles.

why did i  move, you ask? None of your beeswax! No, no, i can understand how you’d want to know, you who have been missing me for the last three months. Let’s chalk if up to life changes. That’s a euphemism. Use your imagination. Yes. You got it right. That’s what happened, and now i’m in LA.

I like it here. Did you know that LA is surrounded by mountains? And also, it turns out that I know a lot of people in this city. People who seem very happy to see me. And i love it when someone’s happy to see me. All part of that self-esteem thing.

so i hope that cleared things up.

I’m working on a new novel. Slowly. I’m also working on turning Gone to the Dogs into a screenplay because–come on!–i live in los angeles! Also i bought a television set. Oh, man, have i been missing a lot of good shows! Nurse Jackie! She’s the best!

Thanks for visiting me. I mean that. You are very sweet to have looked me up.

yours, mary

okay, i just now checked my stats for this website after not paying a speck of attention for a good, long time, and it turns out that some of you out there have been making visits every now and again. What a rude hostess i have been! My apologies. If i’d known you were stopping by, i would have written some fresh material for your reading pleasure. Honestly, i thought my moment had passed and that you’d forgotten all about me. This really warms my heart. Thank you.

yours, mary

I’m in los angeles, and this city is KRAZY!

Pros to living here: well, duh. Sun.

Cons to living here: well, duh. Sun.

And the fact that because of all of that sun, i would never get to wear any of my cool coats or sweaters. And even worse, i’d be the only person on Venice wearing long pants in ninety degree heat. Because no matter what sort of torture is used in an effort to get me to cave–war, terror, death, accident, poison, snakes, spiders, having to sit through Titanic again–there will be no shorts. I’ve made a lot of promises in my life and i’m big enough to admit to breaking one or another of them. But you can hold me to this. The day I wear shorts is the same day i wear a halter top.

but all of this isn’t worth mulling anyway, since i will be back in the freezing northwest on November 20th.

yours,

mary

i’m in the new yorker. Today. Page 79. Well, not me, but a review of my book. My own sweet little book, Gone to the Dogs. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? And they LIKED it. They call my voice “expert deadpan.” EXPERT. DEADPAN. Are those not the two sweetest words in the english language? I feel like one of those obscure writers who wins an Academy Award and then gives a teary-eyed speech where they tell children to NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. You know them? The guys you feel like hitting? That’s me! So, go ahead, somebody hit me! Because for crying out loud, the fucking new yorker.

and of course, it comes out on Yom Kippur, so i can’t even tie one on to celebrate until after sundown.

yours, mary

okay, i admit to having a tiny time issue, but is it really september? I feel slightly ill. I think i was supposed to be more productive in august and i didn’t even notice it was august until it was september. Still, as Chicago once so brilliantly put it: “does anybody really know what time it is? does anybody really care?” And if you know those lyrics perhaps you went to nathan eckstein junior high with me. Sorry about everything.

In september (the 11th) i’ll be at PNBA in portland, for all of you who care. That means you, Wendy. I’ll be sleeping in your guest room. I’ll try to be a better guest this time.

October is Wordstock. The 9th, 10th, and 11th. Great festival, also in Portland. Wendy, i’ve booked myself a hotel room for this one, so you’re of the hook.

Lots of Seattle Seven events in the works. That’s the writer’s collective that amazingly includes me among its members. Have i already written about this group? We are: Erica Bauermeister, Stephanie Kallos, Carol Cassella, Garth Stein, Kit Bakke, Jennie Shortridge, Randy Sue Coburn, Maria Semple, and yours truly. Our mission (and we have a mission statement!) is to raise funds for literacy. I’ll link to the official website once it’s up.

Okay, you can all go back to those porn sites now.

yours, mary

I am the worst updater in the world. But here i go, attempting to update, for the two of you still reading this.

Thursday, August 13: Literary Death Match at the Jewel Box Theater, Seattle. Doors open 6:30. Yours truly is the literary merit judge, which is, you know, a joke.

Sunday, August 16: U. Village Barnes and Noble, Seattle. 2 p.m. You get me, you get Heather Barbieri, you get randy sue coburn, you get carol cassella, and you ALSO get kit bakke. Come on. Where else would you find such a fine looking posse on a sunday afternoon, with brains, no less. We’re doing a group reading. It’s a fundraiser for teens and literacy, a non-profit called TIPS.

got to go.

yours, mary